


it's better to leave than be replaced

by mathgoat



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Richie Tozier, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Richie Tozier, M/M, Oblivious Richie Tozier, Porn with Feelings, Richie Tozier Cries During Sex, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Rimming, Smut, Top Eddie Kaspbrak, he's a just a big ol sad idiot, is that a tag?, plot for context
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:46:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25517491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mathgoat/pseuds/mathgoat
Summary: They met on a school field trip to the farm, when six-year-old Richie was paired with a tiny boy from the other first grade class to be his don’t-get-lost-buddy and Richie discovered the wonderful feeling of having other kids laugh at his jokes.It had always been just the two of them against the world. But Richie knew that Eddie was bound to realise sooner or later that he could do better than having Richie Trashmouth Tozier as his best friend.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 21
Kudos: 239





	it's better to leave than be replaced

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write Richie-centric angst and somehow that turned into 10k of Richie-centric angst turned smut (complete with some bottom!Richie, because the world needs more of that). Idek where the plot even came from but here we are. Title is from Nicotine by PATD. Enjoy, my dudes <3

They met on a school field trip to the farm, when six-year-old Richie was paired with a tiny boy from the other first grade class to be his don’t-get-lost-buddy and Richie discovered the wonderful feeling of having other kids laugh at his jokes. His parents humoured him and listened to his awful impressions, sure, but there was something thrilling about the way that this kid’s lips twitched as he pouted in trying to hold back a smile until he eventually burst out laughing and smacked Richie on the arm and told him to ‘shush up’ before Mrs. Peterson caught them goofing off when they were meant to be observing farm animals. It was hard, Richie found, upon returning to school the next week, to have his new best friend in a different class, but it just made him look forward to every recess and lunchtime that much  _ more. _

“My mommy says that if you care about someone, you look after them,” Eddie told him as he sat on the bench next to Richie, pulled nail clippers out of his fanny pack and held up his own left hand. “Here, I’m going to show you how to cut your nails properly. You keep scratching me and it hurts.”

“Aw, Eddie Spaghetti! You care about me?” Richie reached over to pinch Eddie’s cheek but his hand got slapped away.

“Don’t do that! You’ll scratch me! Give me your hand.” Eddie grabbed him by the wrist and yanked his arm across his lap, pressing his thumb into Richie’s knuckles and holding his fingers up to cut his nails. Richie watched him, large eyes magnified behind his glasses, stunned speechless by the adorable pink tongue poking out between Eddie’s lips while he worked. “There. You’re all done.”

“Fantastic! Now I can do this!” Richie made grabby hands at Eddie’s sides. He pulled Eddie closer to him on the bench and started tickling him ruthlessly.

“Richie!” Eddie shrieked. “Stop it! You know I hate being tickled!”

Richie laughed along with him for a moment and then let him go, still grinning widely. “Don’t tell fibs, Eds! You’re  _ laughing; _ how can you hate it?”

“Fine. Then I hate  _ you.” _

“Nope! I don’t believe you.”

“I do!” Eddie huffed, doing a terrible job of hiding his smile. “I wish we had more friends so that I didn’t have to talk to you all the time!”

Despite saying this, they never really made any other friends, or at least none that could put up with their constant bickering for long enough to stick around. It was always just the two of them against the world, from Eddie teaching Richie how to cut his nails to their awkward teenage years of braces and pimples and figuring themselves out and eventually coming out to each other in the dark of Eddie’s bedroom during a secret sleepover of which Sonia Kaspbrak would have never approved.

“Hey, Eddie?” Richie whispered, poking him on the shoulder until he rolled over to face him.

“What?” Eddie grumbled. “I’m trying to sleep.”

“I, uh… can I ask you something?”

“T’morrow. ‘M sleepy.”

Richie huffed. “Please? It’s important.”

Eddie blinked his eyes open, staring at Richie for several moments. “Well, it’s been a whole minute and you haven’t made a joke, so I guess it must be. What’s up?”

Richie took a deep breath and prayed that he wasn’t about to lose his best friend. “Have you ever had a crush on someone?”

Eddie’s body tensed. “What the hell, Rich?  _ That’s _ what’s so important? Asking me about my love life?”

“I have,” Richie barrelled on. “Had a crush, I mean. I actually have a crush on two people at the moment.”

“Okay…” Eddie frowned at him. “Do you— I mean, do you wanna talk about it?”

“It’s weird.”

“Why? We’re fifteen. It’s probably normal to like more than one person.”

“It’s weird,” Richie insisted, “Because of  _ who _ they are.” There was a moment of silence while Eddie waited for him to continue. “I like Sally from my English class.”

“Okay, but—”

“And the new kid, Connor.”

Eddie blinked. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

Even in the dark room, Richie could see Eddie’s tongue dart out to swipe across his lips. He held his breath, heart slamming in his chest.

“Okay,” Eddie said.

“Okay? That’s it?”

“I mean… Aside from the fact that Connor’s cousin has threatened to kill us on multiple occasions.”

Richie huffed out a laugh.  _ “That’s _ what you’re thinking about? Not the fact that your best friend is a little gay?”

“Richie,” Eddie said, reaching a hand out to hold Richie’s shoulder, “The reason I love Wonder Woman so much is because she’s a badass, not because I think she’s hot. I… I don’t think she’s hot at all.”

Richie’s eyes widened. “You mean—?”

“Yeah. Me too. Sort of.”

“Oh. Shit, wow.” Richie’s lips parted unconsciously as he surveyed Eddie’s expression. They looked at each other. Eddie smiled at him and Richie thought his heart might beat right out of his chest. “Hey, wanna practise kissing?”

“Ew, gross. Who knows where your filthy trashmouth has been.”

“Your mom could tell you, Eds,” Richie said with a wink.

“You’re literally so disgusting and I wouldn’t kiss you if we were the last two people on Earth.”

Right. Of course he wouldn’t. Why had Richie even allowed the thought to cross his mind?

Eddie had always expressed his dislike for Richie’s jokes, his teasing and flirting and mildly improving impressions. Richie wasn’t sure when he started taking it to heart.

They decided to apply to all the same colleges because there was no way in hell that either of them could survive in this world without the other - probably Richie more than Eddie because that boy was so fucking strong and brave that it sometimes made Richie’s head spin. Maybe it was a bit codependent, Richie had considered on numerous occasions. Maybe it wasn’t fair because he was sort of in love with Eddie, Richie had wondered when they submitted their dorm preferences. Rooming together brought a whole new set of challenges for their friendship - especially for Richie’s incredibly traitorous dick that liked to make life as hard as possible for him whenever Eddie was around. Maybe he shouldn’t have taken advantage of Eddie’s affinity for sleeping in boxers and Richie’s old t-shirts, maybe he should have averted his eyes more often. Maybe he should have relaxed with the mom jokes and later the dad jokes because he was clearly making Eddie uncomfortable because he did that a lot because he was Richie Tozier and he  _ was _ a lot, all the time, never stopping, always being so  _ fucking annoying. _

Because the thing was, Richie had always known that Eddie would replace him one day. It would be so easy to do so, after all, because he was just there to provide humour and relief during intense situations and Eddie was bound to realise sooner or later that he could do better than having Richie Trashmouth Tozier as his best friend. Anyone with half a sense of humour and a little more emotional intelligence could easily take his place and no one would be any wiser. It was just the sad truth that was his life. But those thoughts got pushed away and buried until they were forgotten or, more likely, until they’d been compartmentalised and hidden so he could convince himself that he was continuing to be friends with Eddie for Eddie’s benefit - to make him laugh, to protect him from bullies, to distract him from his home life, to help him with homework - instead of selfish reasons, like the fact that Richie didn’t think he could live without him. Maybe he should have decided when to let himself let Eddie go instead of waiting for Eddie to find someone funnier and kinder and overall better than him and switching him out for a less irritatingly grating and more useful model. But those things were for later-Richie to deal with. He just hadn’t expected later-Richie to become present-Richie so soon.

He should have realised sooner, really. When Eddie got his first boyfriend a few months into college, even though Richie had been flirting with him for years and trying to decipher Eddie’s feelings, trying to see if there was any way in hell that Eddie could like him back. But, of course he wouldn’t. Richie was a mess of a human being, a walking catastrophe, the embodiment of the word ‘moron’. He talked too much and said the wrong thing at the wrong time and had no filter and pissed everyone off and he had no fucking clue why Eddie had stuck around with him all these years. They hadn’t even become friends organically. Eddie had just been unfortunate enough to be assigned partners with Richie and things had spiralled from there.

He should have realised when Eddie got his second boyfriend a few months after that - someone in most of Richie’s theatre classes who was tall and funny and reminded Richie a lot of himself, in a way - that it wasn’t that he wasn’t Eddie’s type, it was because he was  _ Richie _ and being Richie was a turn-off in itself.

Eddie had been mostly single since then, and Richie hadn’t exactly dated or slept around much - not that he’d ever let Eddie know that - so for a while they were both queer and single and still lived in the same dorm and Richie had swallowed his fears and ignored the persistent nagging in his head that told him he wasn’t good enough and tried to flirt with Eddie again. He complimented him and teased him and they bickered like they always did. He pinched his cheeks and kissed his forehead and scooped him up in his arms to spin him around in a hug. Anything to be close to him. Anything to touch him, feel his body heat and his soft skin, to hear his laughter ringing out in the room, bouncing off the walls and smacking Richie right in his lovestruck chest.

“Spaghetti!” Richie vaulted off his bed when Eddie got back to their dorm one evening and shut the door behind him. Eddie slid his backpack off his shoulders and dropped it at the foot of his own bed with a groan. “Hard day at work? Shitty teammates in class? C’mere, lay your problems on Dr. Trashmouth.” Richie opened his arms and beckoned Eddie towards him.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yes to all of the above,” he said, eyeing off Richie’s gesture for a moment.

Richie waved his hands around. “Come on, you know you want me.”

Eddie scoffed. “Yeah, maybe if you had an off button,” he said, and his lips twitched like he was holding back a smile, but it was probably more of a grimace.

Richie, stupidly, did not relent, because being around Eddie made him do stupid things. He raised his eyebrows at Eddie, arms still wide open, until Eddie let out a sigh and walked over to the bed, sitting down between Richie’s legs and leaning backwards so his back was pressed to Richie’s chest. “Atta boy, Eds. Come to papa.”

“Ugh, don’t be gross.” Eddie smacked him lightly on the arm and Richie took that to mean he should wrap said arm completely around Eddie’s middle and squeeze him as tightly as he could, maybe tickle him along the way. Eddie yelped as he did it, as Richie’s fingers dug in and wiggled against his sides, and he burst out laughing, body jolting away from Richie’s touch. “Richie!” Eddie squealed. “Richie, stop it! Stop tickling me!”

“I’m sorry, what was that, Eds? I didn’t quite hear you.” Richie grinned, his other hand coming up to Eddie’s other side and wriggling its way under his polo shirt.

Eddie shrieked when Richie’s fingers met with his skin and his head tipped back against Richie’s shoulder as he shook with laughter, then he jerked forwards and hunched over as Richie’s fingers continued his tickle assault. Richie chuckled along with him until Eddie squirmed his way completely out of Richie’s lap and grabbed his wrists. Then Eddie was leaning over him and pinning his hands down by his thighs and Richie felt like the breath had been knocked out of his lungs. Eddie’s face was so close to his, just a few inches away, and if Richie wanted to - and he really,  _ really _ wanted to - he could have tilted his head up and kissed him. But Eddie would never want that, and the reason that Eddie’s irritated smirk softened and his narrowed eyes darted down to Richie’s lips must have been because Richie was breathing so heavily.

“I said stop it,” Eddie muttered. “How many times do I have to tell you I hate that?”

Richie could feel his breath against his lips. And then he opened his big mouth. “Wow, Eds, you’re just as sexy as your mom is when she gets all up in my personal space.”

Eddie scoffed, leaned back and stared at Richie for a moment, before rolling away and getting off the bed entirely. Richie watched him walk across the room and plop down on his own bed and he sort of felt like he’d fucked up somehow.

“Will you ever stop with the mom jokes?” Eddie asked, pulling out his phone from his pocket and some books from his backpack.

“Oh, sure, I can switch to daddy stuff if you’d prefer.”

“My dad is  _ dead, _ Richie. That’s fucking disgusting.”

Eddie tapped away at his phone for a minute and Richie could see he was trying to hide a smile.

“Who you texting?” Richie asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

Eddie quickly locked his phone and turned to Richie, eyes wide and a little guilty, like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. “Nobody.”

Richie rolled his eyes. “Aw, come on, Eds. No juicy gossip for your favourite trash talker?”

“Please, like you’d be my favourite anything,” Eddie grumbled, looking back at his phone. “It’s nothing. Just a text from Tristan.”

Richie’s heart clenched. “Like, the ex-who-broke-your-heart Tristan?”

“Mhm, yeah.” 

Once again, Richie was reminded that they were both queer and single and Eddie  _ still _ didn’t want him.

It certainly didn’t help when their new friends who lived next door in junior year were as queer as he and Eddie were and at least twice as attractive (as Richie, not as Eddie. Eddie looked like a Greek god in Richie’s eyes, as shitty as they may be). Richie had made a minimum of six jokes about the four of them getting into each other’s pants before Eddie taught Bill and Stan about the ‘beep beep’ thing and everything seemed to go downhill from there. It turned out that Eddie and Bill shared a statistics class and Eddie and Stan both chose the same humanities elective and Richie was stuck in advanced calculus and politics and theatre studies with nobody but Eddie’s ex-boyfriend with whom he was suddenly all chummy again. Of course, Richie still got to see Eddie when Richie got back to their dorm after rehearsals or late-night study sessions or after hanging out with his coworker at the video game store, but it wasn’t the same as high school, it wasn’t the same as the last year when he and Eddie still only had each other, when Richie could (selfishly) spend as much time as he wanted with his best friend and not have to worry about competing for his attention with Eddie’s boyfriends or ex-boyfriends or their new friends who so clearly liked Eddie more than him.

Richie was walking past the on-campus cafe where Eddie sometimes studied with the hope of bumping into him, and his breath got stuck in his lungs when he saw him sitting at a table outside with Stan. They were sitting on the same side of the table, which was strange, and there weren’t any books open in front of them so they clearly weren’t studying. And Richie must have really hated himself that day, because instead of just turning around and filing the encounter away for future self-loathing like he usually did, he walked up behind them and leaned against the brick wall of the building, just out of sight but within earshot.

“It’s just so fucking frustrating and confusing,” Eddie was saying.

Richie heard Stan sigh. “No, I mean it, Eddie. Tell me about it.”

Oh, right. Of course, Eddie was choosing to confide in Stan instead of Richie. Of course, Stan was a better listener, better advice giver, better at everything, probably.

Eddie huffed. “It’s… it’s embarrassing.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Eddie groaned, sounding exasperated, “It’s  _ Richie.” _

Richie’s ears started ringing like a gunshot had gone off too close to his head and he couldn’t hear what Eddie was saying. They kept talking, he thought, but Richie felt like he’d been shoved underwater, head rushing and pounding and heartbeat echoing in his ears, rebounding off the inside of his skull. He didn’t know what they were talking about, but it didn’t matter, because Eddie thought he was  _ embarrassing. _ To be around, to be seen with, to be friends with, roommates, best friends, whatever it was, Eddie didn’t like it. Eddie probably didn’t even like him, not anymore at least. Eddie was embarrassed to know Richie and who knew how long he’d felt this way, because he was choosing now to talk to Stan about it. Richie blinked back tears, ignoring the burning behind his eyelids, and tried to tune into their conversation again because he hated himself  _ that _ much and wanted -  _ needed _ \- to hear what they were saying about him.

_ “I _ think you have something,” Stan was saying.

“Yeah right,” Eddie scoffed. “It’s stupid. He and I are so not compatible.”

_ He and I are so not compatible. _

_ So not compatible. _

That’s what Eddie thought. Eddie thought they weren’t compatible.

Eddie was still talking and Richie still could barely hear him.

_ Not compatible.  _

_ Not compatible. _

“—wouldn’t even want it, anyway—”

_ Wouldn’t want it, wouldn’t want him, Eddie wouldn’t want him. _

“—talk about being out of your league.”

Tears spilled over and rolled down Richie cheeks before he’d even realised they’d been building. He turned around and doubled over, hands on his knees as a gut-wrenching sob was ripped from his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut, Eddie’s words echoing in his ears.

_ Not good enough, not compatible, so stupid, out of his league, not enough, just embarrassing, not enough not— _

He had to get out of here.

He had to leave before he collapsed on the ground. Crying in public was one thing, sobbing on the pavement was another. Richie didn’t have it in him to deal with the fallout of a public breakdown right now.

He made it back to the dorms, apparently, and only really became aware of this when he stumbled face-first onto the bed. He had the presence of mind to kick his shoes off before swinging his legs on top of the covers and burying his face in the pillows, which smelled clean and almost sweet, before he eventually passed out.

Richie was awoken by the sound of the door closing and the high-pitched ramble of Eddie's voice filling the room.

“What the fuck are you doing on my bed?”

“Hm?” Richie rolled over and adjusted his glasses to squint at Eddie.

“My bed. You're on my bed, Rich. Are you—? Shit, have you been crying?” Eddie's expression softened and he walked quickly across the room to sit on the bed by Richie's feet. “Hey, talk to me. What's wrong?”

“Nothin’,” Richie lied easily. “Your mom broke up with me, that's all.”

Eddie let out a breath that was something between a scoff and a sigh. “Richie, please. Didn't you just have class? Did something happen? Was it Tristan? I told that dickhead to leave you alone.”

Richie frowned. “Tristan?”

“It's nothing, never mind. I thought he... Don't worry about it.”

“No, Eds. Consider my curiosity piqued. What about Tristan?”

Eddie sighed properly this time, scooting up the bed and lying down on his back next to Richie. He reached down and fumbled for Richie's hand, bringing it up to his chest. Eddie's fingers weaved between Richie's, his soft palms and calloused fingertips grazing over his skin. Richie watched Eddie's fingers move around his for a few moments. He always loved it when Eddie initiated physical contact between them, but he really didn't need Eddie feeling sorry for him right now.

“What about Tristan?” Richie asked again.

“Oh, he was just being an asshole. He said a couple of times that I shouldn't be rooming with someone else who was gay or bi or anything.” Eddie gave a tiny shrug. He was still playing with Richie’s fingers and he looked up at Richie through his lashes and Richie was sure his heart was going to give out. “I think he was jealous.”

Richie blinked. “What?”

Eddie’s hands froze. “Forget it. So, uh, Stan and Bill invited us out for dinner tomorrow. There’s some new Vietnamese place on Fifth that just opened that they wanna try. You in?”

“Oh, sure, yeah. I’m working in the afternoon.”

“I’ll pick you up,” Eddie said quickly. “I mean, i-i-if you’re not coming back here first.”

“Alright, Stuttering Bill,” Richie chuckled. “Don’t overwork your tongue tryna get words out or Tristy will spend his night royally unsatisfied.”

“Ugh,  _ no. _ Like I said - he’s an asshole and I want nothing to do with him.”

“Even if he wants everything to do with your asshole?”

Eddie spluttered. “What the hell? No! He’s never had anything to do with my asshole!”

“You’re so fucking cute when you get flustered, Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie grinned, watching Eddie’s cheeks grow pink.

“Shut up,” Eddie grumbled. “I hate you.”

“Join the club. We have meetings on Thursdays at four.”

Eddie just rolled his eyes and sat up. “Get off my bed, would you? We have two halves of the room for a reason.”

“Aw, kicking me out of bed already? That’s no way to treat a lady!” Richie made a show of tumbling off the bed and moving across the room to plop down in his desk chair, leaning back with his legs splayed wide.

Eddie watched him for a moment. “So, why  _ were _ you on my bed?”

Richie shrugged. “Honestly, I didn’t even realise. I just laid down and fell asleep and only now when you woke me did I notice where I’d landed.”

Eddie’s mouth twitched to the side. “Okay,” he sighed.

By ‘picking Richie up from work’, what Eddie meant was meeting him at the video game store after Richie’s shift and walking together a few streets over to the restaurant where Stan and Bill were already going to be. Eddie was walking strangely close to Richie, so close that their hands kept brushing.

“You know, Eds, if you wanted to know what it’s like to hold my hand, you could just call your mom.”

Eddie smacked him for that.

They found their friends at a table near the back of the restaurant and weaved their way through the other tables to get there.

“Howdy, fellas,” Richie said as they sat down. “How’s it hanging?”

“I’m starving,” Bill said. “What t-t-took you guys so long?”

“Eds was feeling particularly slutty and we stopped for a quick blowie behind the bushes,” Richie said.

Eddie spluttered. “We did not! No one in their right mind would have sex with you in  _ public.” _

“No one in their right mind would have sex with him full stop,” Stan teased, looked at Eddie and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, please,” Richie scoffed, trying not to think about what Stan and Eddie’s pointed eye contact meant, “You guys are just jealous of how much tail I get.”

They chatted aimlessly while they waited for their food to arrive. Steaming hot plates were placed on the table in front of them and Richie immediately snatched up his fork to steal a bite from Eddie’s stir fry.

“Hey! Cut it out!” Eddie snapped, swatting Richie away when he went for a second bite.

“You always manage to pick the best dishes, Spaghetti. Must be a benefit of being a food item yourself.”

“Shut up and keep your stupid hands to yourself.”

“So, the other day,” Bill cut in, “Eddie sh-sho-showed me this sneak peek trailer thing for the s-st-student film festival that some of his friends are working on. We thought it’d be cool to g-g-go and support them.”

“Yes, I agree,” Stan said. “Mike and Beverly, right? I think one of my classmates was gushing about their work.”

“Probably Ben,” Eddie said with a chuckle, “He’s head over heels for Bev. It’s kind of cute actually.”

“Whoa, whoa, who are these friends?” Richie asked. Of course, Eddie was allowed to have other friends, that wasn’t the issue. Richie just wasn’t sure why he’d never met them before.

Eddie shrugged. “Oh, just some people I met in class and stuff. Bev actually works as a barista with me, too.”

“I know Mike from hi-hi-history of literature.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t met them,” Eddie continued. “I thought I introduced you guys already.”

“Aw, it’s okay, I get it,” Richie said, “You don’t want your new friends to know who they’re competing against for the Spaghetti’s attention. It is the highest honour, after all.”

Stan snickered. “Yeah,  _ that’s _ it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Stanley? There somethin’ wrong with being friends with me?” Richie eyed him suspiciously, a smirk playing on his lips to hide the very real fear that they would say yes.

“Do you want me to answer that chronologically or alphabetically?”

Bill chuckled. “Is it Richie’s birthday or something?”

“He brings this upon himself,” Eddie muttered. “With his stupid jokes.”

“You love my jokes, Eds.”

“I admit to nothing.”

Richie grinned, a little more genuine this time. “Especially the ones about how I went down on your mom while your dad fucked me—”

“Oh my god, beep beep! That’s literally so disgusting and I don’t wanna hear another word.”

Richie’s smile faltered and he swallowed.  _ Too far, too far, you took it too far once again. Just shut the fuck up already. _

“That is pretty gross, R-R-Richie.”

“Oh, I get it; it’s trash the Trashmouth day and no one told me. I woulda joined in on the fun had I known.”

“Well, you know now,” Stan said gently.

“Yeah,” Richie said.

There was a moment of quiet that settled like a heavy, stifling blanket over the table, the only sounds being the distant chatter from other patrons and the soft scraping of forks against plates. Richie sort of felt like he was being watched, like the hair on the back of his neck would start to prickle any moment now, like Eddie’s eyes were flickering over to his face every couple of seconds from where they were seated next to each other. Richie’s eyes were fixated on the food in front of him, but his stomach was churning and he suddenly didn’t feel like eating.

_ Too much. Not enough. Beep fucking beep, moron. _

“Wow,” Bill said after a few moments, slight amusement present in his voice. “Looks like he  _ does _ kn-know how to be quiet.”

“And all it took was making him feel like crap,” Richie mumbled, realising too late that he’d said that out loud.

“Rich…” Eddie touched his wrist gently and Richie yanked his arm away.

_ Put your smile back on. _

_ Don’t let them know. _

“No harm, no foul though, am I right?” Richie said, forcing his lips into a grin. “How do I expect to make it as a comedian if I can’t take a little criticism, eh?”

“Richie,” Eddie tried again.

“No, he’s right,” Stan said. “Being able to read the room is an essential skill in comedy.”

“Too bad I’m not funny then, right?” Richie said bitterly. Stupidly.

“Richie, no,” Eddie said. Richie finally turned to look at him. “You… I mean—”

“Yeah, okay. I get it.”

“No,” Bill said, “You can b-b-be funny. You are funny. Just ssssometimes you do take it too far with the mom thing and you don’t get the mmmessage when people don’t wanna hear it.”

_ No one wants to hear it. _

_ Just shut the fuck up already. _

Richie stood up suddenly, his chair scraping on the floor and ringing in his ears. He thought he felt Eddie’s fingers brush against his wrist again, but it must have been his imagination.

“I have to go. I left my… hairdryer in the… oven.”

He turned and bumped his hip against the corner of their table in his haste to leave, wincing slightly as he made his way out of the restaurant. He could pay them back for his meal later. Right now he needed to get the fuck away from everybody before someone let slip the fact that they hadn’t even wanted him there in the first place.

Richie fumbled with his key in the door, hands shaking and breaths coming in fast and strong. He shut the door behind himself and leaned against it for a moment, eyes squeezed shut, face screwed up to not let his wretched, traitorous eyes spill over with tears. He was conscious of falling face-first onto his own bed this time and shoved his hands under the pillow, pressing it into his face and letting out a long groan.

He shouldn’t have gone with Eddie tonight. It was so clear to him now, in hindsight, that Eddie had only invited him out of pity, because he saw Richie was upset about something else and wanted to… what, make him feel better? Stan and Bill were probably ripping into Eddie right now, asking why he’d invited his idiotic roommate with no filter. Their words were swirling around in his head and piercing him straight through the heart like a knife.

_ You’re embarrassing because you’re Richie. _

_ You take things too far. _

_ You can’t even read the room when it’s just your ‘friends’, how do you expect to make it in comedy? _

_ How do you expect to make it when you can’t do anything right? _

Richie sniffled, shaking his head against the pillow. Maybe he should just suffocate himself; at least then Eddie wouldn’t have to come home and have to worry about dealing with his stupid, crying friend for the second night in a row. Maybe he should have requested a different roommate this year instead of asking Eddie again. Eddie was probably only agreeing out of pity. Eddie was probably only friends with him at all out of pity, because he knew that Richie didn’t really have anyone else. He should definitely request a different roommate next year and leave Eddie before Eddie decided that he’d had enough of Richie Tozier in his life.

Richie was pulled from his spiralling thoughts after what felt like all night but was probably only an hour when the door opened and Eddie came in slowly, quietly. It was almost like reliving their interactions from yesterday as Eddie walked over to the bed where Richie was sitting up against the headboard and sat at his feet. This time, though, Eddie put his hand on Richie’s ankle. Richie dropped his phone on his lap and looked up to find Eddie frowning at him.

“Hey, are you okay?” Eddie asked. “I’m sorry about all that. The teasing got a bit out of hand.”

“Oh, it’s fine, dude,” Richie said, even though Eddie was giving him a  _ look _ and he knew he didn’t believe him.  _ Hairdryer in the oven. Idiot. _

“Rich, please. I’m sorry. And Bill felt really bad. He wanted to come over, they both did, but I told them not to.”

“I get it, Eds. You think I’m embarrassing.”

“I— W-What?” Eddie spluttered. “No. Because I wanted to talk to you alone. Where the hell did you get that idea from?”

“Forget it, it doesn’t matter. I always knew this was going to happen.”

Eddie’s frown deepened. “What are you talking about?”

Richie turned his head and stared across the room, trying to focus on the class schedule pinned to the wall and ignore the constant nagging inside his brain that told him to shut up before he ruined Eddie’s night even more. It wasn’t working. His insides felt like they were tied up in knots that only grew tighter as Eddie scooted up the bed to sit closer to him. The pressure inside his chest kept building, pushing on his heart, and as Eddie trailed his hand down Richie’s arm, it finally spilled over. 

Richie’s eyes slipped shut and a few tears spilled down his cheeks, too. “That you’d get sick of me one day,” he explained. “That you’d find new friends and realise what a fucking useless sack of shit you’ve been unwillingly saddled with all these years and realise that you could do so much better. That you  _ deserve _ better. That you—”

“Rich—”

“You guys were right. I’m not funny, I don’t know when to shut up. That’s the whole reason the ‘beep beep’ thing was invented in the first place! I just need to shut my fucking mouth for once in my stupid life.”

“You’re not stupid,” Eddie said quickly as Richie paused to take a shaky breath. “You  _ are _ funny, you’re—”

“You didn’t even  _ choose _ to be friends with me!” Richie threw his hands out to the side and his voice cracked. “You were just  _ there _ and we were just  _ put _ together and for some reason we stayed together. You should have left me when you had the chance after high school. I should’ve let you leave.”

“Richie,” Eddie cut in again, voice harsher this time. His eyes were wide and wet and Richie’s heart sank.  _ Look at what you’ve done. _ “I stayed friends with you because I  _ wanted _ to, because I liked you. Why else would I have let you climb through my window and sleep in my bed with me? You think I’d let Greta Keene do that? You think the fact that we’re roommates for the third year in a row means nothing to me? I have other friends, you know. But I chose  _ you.” _

Richie shook his head, dropping his eyes to his lap. “Stop it.”

“No, Rich, where the fuck is all of this coming from? Is it really because of what me and Bill said?”

Richie’s jaw clenched. “No. Yes. I don’t know.”

“Richie…”

“Stop saying my name like that,” Richie snapped. “You’ve been doing it all night.”

Eddie blinked. “Because you’ve been like  _ this _ all night.”

Richie barked out a humourless laugh. “Please, Eddie; I’ve been like this for years.” He kept his eyes on his hands in his lap, folding his fingers together and fidgeting until Eddie reached out and stopped him.

“Rich,” he said again, quieter this time, “Please just talk to me. What’s been going on?”

“I don’t know. I told you already.” Richie shrugged. “I know you guys are gonna get sick of me soon enough. I was thinking I’d actually apply for a-a new roommate or somethin’ next year.”

Eddie withdrew his hand. “Oh.”

Richie’s chest tightened, watching Eddie retreat. “Not because of you, Eds. Because of me.” They stared at each other for a moment, Eddie’s brows furrowed together, eyes flickering back and forth between Richie’s like he was struggling to understand. “Because I suck and you deserve better friends or… whatever.”

Eddie’s tongue darted out to swipe across his lips and he inhaled a long, deep breath. The muscles in his jaw tightened and he reached out his hand again. “Have you not realised,” Eddie began slowly, “After all this time, that I truly, honestly like you?” Richie started to roll his eyes but Eddie just shook his head and gripped Richie’s hand tighter. “No, listen. What I’m trying to say is that I  _ like _ you. Richie, I… I  _ love _ you. I don’t know where you got this into your head that I don’t want to be friends with you. You mean the world to me and I wanna be with you all the time. I would never abandon you and I would never leave you because I-I love you. I love you.”

“Stop that,” Richie choked out. “You can’t love me. Stop saying that.”

“Why? It’s true.”

“You said you were embarrassed to know me!”

Eddie’s frown deepened. “When did I say that?”

“To Stanley! You told him that you were embarrassed about something and it was because of me. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.”

Eddie just blinked at him for a moment and then his frown softened and disappeared. “That’s why you were upset yesterday,” he said. “You only heard half of the conversation, idiot. I was telling Stan that I had a crush on you and it was embarrassing because I pretend like I don’t find you funny a-a-and we bicker and argue all of the time but really all I ever wanna do is hold your hand and kiss you senseless.”

Richie didn’t believe him. He  _ couldn’t. _ How could he? “It’s fine, Eds, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better. We can just pretend this conversation never happened. I’ll move out at the end of the year and you can forget about me.”

Eddie huffed out a sigh. “Rich. You’re starting to piss me off.”

“Yeah, what’s new?”

Eddie’s jaw clenched and he shook his head minutely. “No. You’re not listening, I—” He cut himself off with a huff and then he leaned forward and kissed Richie. Richie faltered, eyes shooting wide open to look at Eddie. It only lasted a few seconds, the soft, determined press of Eddie’s lips against his, but it was enough to kick Richie’s heart into gear and knock the breath out of his lungs. Eddie pulled back a little, keeping their faces only inches apart, breath mingling together in the small space between them.

“Eds,” Richie whispered, staring straight at Eddie’s mouth, “You don’t have to—”

“Shut  _ up,” _ Eddie said. He paused. “U-Unless you don’t—?”

“Oh, god, I do. I  _ do, _ Eddie, you have no idea.”

“Then shut up and let me show you how serious I am when I say I love you.”

Eddie waited until Richie nodded before reaching up to slide his glasses off and fold them on the nightstand, then leaned back in for another kiss. Richie kissed back this time, closing his eyes and clutching the bed sheets where his hands were resting by his sides. Eddie tilted his head, mouth moving seamlessly with Richie’s and hands skirting up Richie’s sides and then down his arms. Richie let go of the sheets and leaned back on his hands as Eddie pushed forward, hovering over him. His eyes rolled back as Eddie’s lips parted and his tongue swiped across Richie’s lips, and he opened his mouth to let him in, sliding his tongue past Eddie’s lips as well. The inside of Eddie’s mouth was warm and wet and Richie couldn’t stifle the soft whimper that escaped his throat when Eddie licked into his mouth, his hands clutching at Richie’s waist.

Eddie pulled back, breathing heavily. “You’re so gorgeous, Richie. So beautiful. I’ve been wanting to do this for so many years.”

“Me too, Eds. I—” Richie stopped short, chest heaving, watching Eddie’s eyes drift down his body, his pupils blown and slick lips parted. “I love you, you know? Just in case that wasn’t clear. I love you, too.”

Eddie looked back up at his face, expression softening as his lips twitched into a gentle smile. “Yeah? God, Richie, I’ve wanted to tell you for so long. And I’ve  _ tried, _ but every time I thought I was making myself clear, you’d just… not get it. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong.”

“Nothing,” Richie said quickly. “You never do anything wrong, Eds. You’re perfect.”

Eddie scoffed, which morphed into a giggle, and he smiled. “Shut up,” he mumbled. “And come back here. I’m trying to show you my love and I’m not done yet.”

Richie smirked and leaned back in. “Mmm, yes, sir.”

Their lips met again as they both moved forward again, Eddie’s body still hovering over Richie’s. Richie let Eddie press him back further against the pillows as his own hands trailed up Eddie’s sides, snaking around his back and pulling him against his chest. He let his legs fall to the side and Eddie settled between them, hands cupping Richie’s face and lips parting again so he could slide his tongue into Richie’s mouth. Eddie nipped at his bottom lip and Richie moaned softly, hips jerking of their own volition and pressing his thighs against Eddie’s hips. Eddie groaned, moving his mouth along Richie’s jaw and down his neck, leaving sloppy, open-mouthed kisses that made Richie’s breath hitch.

“Richie,” Eddie whispered against his skin, “Can I touch you?”

Richie nodded. “Yeah,” he breathed, “Yeah, anything. Whatever you want, Eds,  _ please.” _

“God, yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Eddie bit down harder on Richie’s neck and sucked, his hands skirting up Richie’s sides again, pushing his shirt up as he went. Richie arched into the touch and his head dropped back, giving Eddie access to the full expanse of his neck. Eddie’s fingers trailed like fire along the skin of his torso, pressing into his ribs, nails scraping gently and leaving Richie shuddering under his touch. His body jerked off the bed when Eddie’s thumb brushed against his nipple.

“Eds,” Richie breathed.

“Yeah?”

_ “Eddie,” _ Richie said again.

“What do you want?” Eddie asked, pulling back slightly with a quick nip at Richie’s jaw. “Talk to me.”

Richie’s eyes fluttered open and he started tugging at the hem of Eddie’s shirt. “Get this off, stat.” As Eddie looked down at his own clothes and started unbuttoning his shirt, Richie leaned up and attached his lips to Eddie’s neck, sucking lightly on his skin.

“God, Rich. Come on, take your shirt off, too.”

Eddie’s fingers fumbled with his shirt buttons as Richie’s hands flew to the hem of his own patterned shirt, yanking it off his shoulders and tossing it on the floor. He then reached for his t-shirt as Eddie finally worked his stupid clothes off his body and then both of their shirts were discarded on the floor. Eddie ducked down to scrape his teeth along Richie’s collar bone, hips stuttering and grinding down against Richie’s, and Richie let out a moan as he felt Eddie hard against his hip bone. Richie’s hands clutched at Eddie’s back, blunt fingernails digging into his skin and trailing down to grip his ass as Eddie rolled his hips down again, moaning into Richie’s neck.

Eddie sunk his teeth into Richie’s skin and sucked again, hands tightening on his waist. “You sound so good, Rich. So fucking sexy.”

Richie whimpered, meeting Eddie thrust for thrust as he kept grinding their hips together. “I love you,” he said. “Eddie. Eddie, I love you so much, oh  _ god.” _

Eddie hummed against his skin and continued moving his lips down his body, leaving wet kisses on Richie’s chest, before sealing his mouth over his nipple.

“Oh, fuck.” Richie’s back arched off the bed, pressing their bodies flush together. “Eddie, please.”

Eddie flicked his tongue over Richie’s nipple, fingers digging into his sides until his hand found its way to the other side of Richie’s chest. He kept up the back and forth movements of his tongue as his fingers brushed against Richie’s other nipple, rubbing his thumb over and over the sensitive nub. Richie’s hips bucked up, desperate for some friction, pressing his clothed erection into Eddie’s stomach. Eddie moaned against Richie’s skin, the vibrations around his nipple sending shocks of arousal through his whole body and he jerked again, throwing his head back against the pillows.

_ “Eddie,” _ he said again, grinding his hips against Eddie’s body while Eddie’s hands moved from his waist down to his hips to hold him still.

“Let me take care of you, Richie,” Eddie whispered, looking up at him until Richie gave in and nodded. “Yeah? Let me make you feel good, baby.”

Richie whined at the pet name and nodded again, more convincingly this time, letting Eddie scoot further down the bed between his legs. Eddie’s fingers played with the button of Richie’s jeans until Richie got out a breathy  _ please, _ and then helped Eddie get him out of his pants. Clad only in boxers, Richie shifted down the bed as well until he was lying on his back, watching Eddie get out of his own pants so they were on equal footing. Richie nearly moaned at the sight of Eddie hard and tenting in his boxers, reached a hand out to cup him through the fabric. Eddie let out a breathy sigh, hips jerking into Richie’s touch on instinct.

“Eds,” Richie breathed, rubbing his thumb over the head of Eddie’s clothed cock, “Can I suck you off?”

Eddie swallowed and licked his lips, eyes darting down to watch Richie’s hand moving over him. “Next time,” he decided. “I want tonight to be all about you.”

He kneeled between Richie’s legs and leaned forward, hands on either side of Richie’s shoulders, to press kisses up his neck, along his jaw, and to his mouth. Eddie parted his lips and licked into Richie’s mouth immediately, resting his weight on one hand so he could cup Richie’s face and drag his fingers through his hair.

“Beautiful,” Eddie whispered against his mouth. He tugged lightly at Richie’s hair until Richie whined and leaned into the touch. He nosed at Richie’s jaw and sat up on his haunches, but Richie followed, surging up to kiss him again. Richie leaned up on his elbows and let Eddie’s lips and tongue guide them. Eddie shifted again so he could trail his other hand down Richie’s body, nails scraping against his skin until he got to his hip, fingers digging in and gripping tightly.

Eddie pulled back from the kiss and knocked his forehead against Richie’s. “What do you want, Rich?” he asked, pressing kisses across Richie’s cheek, on his nose, near the corner of his eyes.

“You,” Richie breathed. “You, Eds. Just you.”

“You wanna fuck me?”

“I—  _ fuck, _ yes, yeah, I do, but…” Richie trailed off, averting his eyes. “Tonight could you maybe, I dunno, fuck me?”

“You don’t know?”

“No, I do. I know. Please, fuck me. I want you to fuck me.”

Eddie let out a shaky breath and surged forward to capture Richie’s open mouth in another kiss, nipping at his lips and shoving his tongue into his mouth. Richie moaned into the kiss, eyes rolling back as Eddie licked inside his mouth. “Yes,  _ yes, _ god, okay,” Eddie babbled. “Fuck. You’re so fucking hot, Richie.”

Eddie trailed his kisses back down Richie’s body, down his neck and chest, flicking his tongue over his nipple, continuing along his ribs and stomach, biting gently at the soft skin there and causing Richie to writhe under him, until he reached Richie’s boxers.

“Stupid,” Eddie mumbled fondly, fingers tracing the rubber duck pattern on the fabric. “God, I love you.”

Richie chuckled, lifting his hips to help Eddie get the last of his clothing off, letting his hard cock spring free against his stomach. Eddie ducked down without warning and licked a stripe along the underside of Richie’s dick, sucking the head into his mouth and gripping the base.

“Oh,  _ shit, _ Eds,” Richie moaned, trying to keep his hips down against the bed.

Eddie hummed around him, taking more into his mouth and running his tongue along the underside. He pulled off and continued stroking him with his hand, mouthing sloppily down Richie’s length to his balls. Eddie pointed his tongue to give a few experimental licks and Richie’s hips jerked up, fucking himself into Eddie’s fist as he bit back a moan.

“Don’t do that,” Eddie said, and Richie stopped moving immediately. But Eddie lifted his head to look at Richie’s face and his pink lips and chin were covered in spit with his pupils blown wide and Richie had to turn his face into the pillow to stop himself from jerking into his touch. “Don’t hide, baby, I wanna hear you.”

Eddie licked down Richie’s balls and along his perineum, before moving away completely to kiss along his inner thighs. Richie whimpered, running his hands through his own hair. Eddie hummed against Richie’s skin, biting down and sucking hard, then licking over the sensitive spot and kissing his way to the other thigh to give it the same treatment. Richie’s legs trembled and he moaned.

“There we go,” Eddie breathed. “So good, so gorgeous.”

_ “Eddie.” _

“Shh, it’s okay,” Eddie whispered. He pressed a chaste kiss to the marks he’d left on each of Richie’s thighs and brought his hands up to push them further apart. Richie planted his feet on the bed and let his legs drop open, leaned up on his elbows to watch as Eddie ducked his head down again to kiss and bite along the crease between Richie’s thigh and ass. “Let me take care of you,” Eddie mumbled against his skin, before parting his cheeks and leaning in to lick a broad stripe over his hole.

“Fuck.” Richie’s head fell back again and his back arched, pressing down onto Eddie’s pointed tongue. Eddie ran the tip of his tongue around Richie’s rim, getting his spit everywhere. His hands gripped Richie’s thighs, holding his legs open, and he pressed his tongue right up against Richie’s entrance, trying to push inside. Richie whined when Eddie’s thumb pressed in next to his tongue, circling the skin around his hole. Eddie’s other arm snaked around Richie’s hips to rest across his pelvis, keeping him pinned to the bed. “Oh, fuck, Eddie.”

Eddie hummed against Richie’s skin, applying more pressure with his tongue swiping back and forth until the tip pushed slightly inside. His fingers gripped Richie’s ass, keeping him spread open as he fucked his tongue into Richie’s body, sliding the tip of his thumb in alongside it.

“Eds,” Richie moaned. “Eds, c’mon, please,  _ please.” _ Lifting his head and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Eddie locked eyes with Richie, giving him a questioning raise of his brows even though he  _ knew _ what Richie was asking. “Please,” Richie said again. “Get that Spaghetti noodle inside of me already.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh-scoff, his spit-slick lips twitching into a gentle smile. “Idiot,” he said fondly.

Richie grinned, reached across to the nightstand and fumbled around inside the drawer to find lube and condoms. He tossed them on the bed near Eddie and lay back again, wiggling his hips. “Hop to it, Spagheds.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and picked up the bottle. He squirted some onto his fingers and leaned over as Richie sat up to meet in the middle for a kiss, softer and sweeter than anything else that night. Richie hummed into the kiss, biting playfully at Eddie’s lips, breath hitching when he felt Eddie’s dry hand trail lightly along his inner thighs and grasp his cock, stroking him back to full hardness. Eddie’s other hand moved between them, fingers touching Richie’s perineum and lingering on the skin there, rubbing in small circles until he reached his hole. He rubbed his finger around his rim first, keeping their mouths connected, just pressing the tip of his index finger inside. Richie dropped his head back and whimpered, and Eddie attached his mouth to his neck instead, pushing his finger further inside and twisting his wrist.

“You sound so pretty, Rich,” Eddie mumbled, sucking a bruise into his neck and thrusting his finger in and out of Richie’s body. Richie moaned again, hips jerking and rocking down onto Eddie’s finger.

“More,” he whined. “Please.”

“Yeah, okay.” Another finger pressed against his entrance, rubbing against the skin for a moment before it slid inside alongside the first.

“Yes,  _ yes, _ Eddie,” Richie gasped. His eyes rolled back and slipped shut and he dropped down onto his elbows as Eddie sat up to watch his hand pumping between Richie’s legs.

“Fuck, Richie. You have no idea how hot you look right now.” Eddie slid his other hand up Richie’s torso, pinching his nipple and rolling it between his fingers. “All flushed and desperate. So fucking beautiful.” He crooked his fingers, pushing up into Richie’s body and making him jerk forward into the touch. Richie moaned high in his throat as Eddie found his prostate and pressed his fingers against it, rubbing back and forth and scissoring his fingers apart, stretching him, getting him ready to be fucked.

“Oh, god,” Richie breathed. “Eds, please, come on. If you keep this up, I’m gonna come.” Eddie moved his fingertips and kept scissoring his fingers, pushing on the insides of Richie’s body. Richie let himself drop completely onto his back and spread his legs wider, feet firmly planted on the bed on either side of Eddie’s knees. He rocked down onto Eddie’s fingers, one hand gripping onto the sheets and the other slapping against the side of Eddie’s thigh, fingers digging into his flesh. “Please,” he whimpered.

Eddie chuckled and Richie could hear the smirk in his voice when he spoke. “Please  _ what? _ What do you want?”

“Fuck me,” Richie choked out, just as Eddie shifted his hand and fucked his fingers up into his prostate again. Richie keened and his cock jumped against his stomach, body hunching over as Eddie pushed down hard against that sensitive spot over and over again until Richie’s eyes snapped open and he reached out to grab Eddie’s wrist.  _ “Please, _ Eds. I need you.”

Eddie nodded, finally relenting and withdrawing his fingers from Richie’s hole. Richie let out a loud sigh of relief and fell onto his back, reaching behind himself to find a pillow and shoving it under his hips. He then reached for Eddie, wiggling his fingers and sitting up slightly to wrap his hand around Eddie’s cock. Eddie hissed at the touch, hips jerking forward as Richie stroked him a few times, fumbling around the sheets for the lube and condom box.

“Here.” Eddie handed them both to Richie and sat back on his heels. “You wanted to touch.”

Richie eagerly tore open the packet and rolled the condom down Eddie’s length, then squeezed some lube into his hand. He jerked Eddie’s cock, the slide smooth under his fingers, and rubbed his thumb over the slit. Eddie rested his hand on Richie’s knee and his mouth dropped open as he moaned, thrusting forward into Richie’s fist.

“Jesus,” Richie said, “You sound like a fucking porn star, Eds. Who’d’ve thunk it?”

Eddie shook his head with a roll of his eyes, smacking Richie’s arm lightly. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Uh huh. Apparently you like this ridiculous, though.” Richie gestured down at his body and shimmied his hips.

Eddie’s eyes crinkled when he smiled. “I do. A whole fucking lot.”

“Then get to the fucking, my dude.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Do  _ me, _ please and thank you.”

“Hush,” Eddie said. He shifted on his knees until the tops of his thighs were pressed flush to the back of Richie’s, positioning the head of his cock against Richie’s hole. “You ready?”

“Eddie, my love, I was born to be fucked by you.”

Eddie’s smile softened and he exhaled slowly. He ran his dry hand up Richie’s thigh to hold his hip, then looked down and pressed his cock forward until he breached Richie’s rim. Richie squirmed under him, running one hand up Eddie’s arm where he was holding himself up to grip his shoulder.

“Oh,  _ god,” _ Richie moaned. “Eddie, yes, yes,  _ fuck.” _

Eddie pulled out slightly and then pushed back in, each inch sinking inside making Richie arch his body and throw his head back against the pillow, blunt fingernails digging into Eddie’s skin. Eddie continued thrusting gently in and out of Richie, a little deeper each time until he bottomed out, hips flush against Richie’s thighs.

“Shit,” Eddie breathed, “You feel so good. So tight, holy fuck.”

He gave Richie a few moments, leaning forward on both hands beside Richie’s shoulders and dropping his neck to rest his forehead against Richie’s. Richie tilted his chin up and kissed him, open-mouthed and sloppy until Eddie shifted and their lips slotted together perfectly.

“Can I move?” Eddie asked, and Richie nodded. He pulled his hips out and pushed forward again, setting up a gentle pace, hip bones smacking against the back of Richie’s legs with each thrust.

Eddie leaned down to connect their lips again, but they were both panting and ended up just breathing heavily into each others’ mouths. Eddie dropped onto his elbows, rested them against Richie’s shoulders, and the change in angle caused the head of his dick to fuck directly into Richie’s prostate. Richie let out a high-pitched moan and clutched at Eddie’s back, fingers tangling in the hair at the top of his neck, and he squeezed his eyes shut. Eddie’s cock kept hitting that spot as he fucked into Richie and he could feel the backs of his eyelids beginning to burn, overwhelmed with the feeling of Eddie all over him, on top of him, inside of him.

“Eds,” Richie whimpered. His heart was pounding against his ribcage and he was sure that Eddie could feel it where their chests were pressed together. Eddie groaned softly and moved his head to press his face into Richie’s neck, just breathing hot air against the bite marks and bruises already forming from earlier. The movement had Richie’s dick trapped between their bodies, rubbing against Eddie’s stomach every time he fucked his hips forward into him. “Eddie,” Richie said again, like it was the only word he could remember. “I’m close.”

“Yeah? You’re close?” Eddie asked. Richie nodded, eyes still closed and threatening to spill over with fresh tears as soon as Eddie sat up and changed the angle again. He pulled Richie’s legs with him and rested his calves against his chest, feet knocking about near his head, and gripped Richie’s waist with a bruisingly tight grip, picking up the pace and force of his thrusts.

Richie’s eyes flew open and rolled back at the same time, mouth dropping open, but he couldn’t make a sound, just rested his hands on top of Eddie’s on his waist and let himself be fucked until his brain couldn’t register anything except Eddie’s cock slamming into his prostate. Then one of Eddie’s hands let go of him and wrapped around his cock and Richie sobbed, the muscles in his thighs trembling as the tears overflowed and rolled down his cheeks. His entire body felt like it was on fire, heated pressure building inside him as Eddie stroked his cock in time with his thrusts.

Eddie was panting, soft moans slipping out of his mouth every time he fucked his hips forward. “Come on, baby, I’ve got you. You’re so gorgeous, Rich, I love you so much.” Richie whined, high and loud, fingers fumbling to grip Eddie’s hand and the sheets. “That’s it, sweetheart, you can let go. Come for me.”

Richie’s body jerked off the bed as Eddie’s grip around his cock tightened and the pace of his hips quickened and then he was flying off the edge with a wet shout, whining as Eddie fucked him through his intense orgasm. His legs were shaking and his eyes welled up with tears again, eyes rolled back in his head, and he sobbed loudly, rocking down onto Eddie’s cock and bucking up into his fist until his legs gave out and dropped open on either side of Eddie’s body. He tried to cover his face with his hand but Eddie stopped him, grabbing his wrist and pressing it into the mattress by his head.

“So perfect, I wanna see you,” Eddie whispered. “God, Richie, you’re gonna make me come. You’re— shit,  _ shit.” _ His hips stuttered and slammed hard into Richie a handful more times before he stilled and came with a long moan, hips flush and grinding against Richie’s ass. Eddie dropped his body forward, panting heavily, and tucked his face into Richie’s neck to press soft kisses on his sweaty skin. Richie’s eyes slipped shut, a few stray tears spilling over, and wrapped his arms around Eddie’s back to keep him close. He sighed happily, content to lie there with Eddie on top of him, even crushing him slightly, for as long as he could.

There was a part of him that thought, as he came down from the wild dopamine and adrenaline high, that Eddie was going to regret this, that he’d just said those things because he felt bad for Richie, not because he actually meant them. Richie closed his eyes and held onto Eddie and tried to tell himself that this was real and Eddie was here and Eddie wanted him.

“I can hear you thinking,” Eddie mumbled into his neck. He sat up and pulled out of Richie slowly. Richie hissed at the drag along his sensitive rim, pouting when Eddie slipped out to tie off the condom. “Let’s clean up.”

Richie let him wipe down his stomach with tissues, rolling his eyes fondly even as Eddie insisted that they change the sheets later if not right then. Richie let him throw all of their clothes into the laundry hamper and he let him guide them both back to the messed up bed, Richie on shaky legs, to lie down facing each other.

So, this was when the  _ talk _ happened, Richie supposed.

Eddie was smiling at him, fingers tracing circles on Richie’s chest, but his expression slowly morphed into a confused frown. “Okay, I’m a little unsure of what’s happening here,” he said, voicing exactly what Richie had been worried about. But Eddie was quick to amend, “Not because of what we just did! Far from it. I… Wow, that was amazing. I’m so happy we did that, Rich.” Eddie offered him another smile, gentle and warm, and Richie tried to return it this time because, yeah, it was pretty amazing. “I mean your face. You’ve got this look that I don’t understand. You look unsure, too.”

Richie swallowed, averting his eyes. “I guess I’m in shock. I keep waiting for you to come to your senses and realise you made a huge mistake because I can hardly believe what’s happening.”

Eddie’s brows pinched together slightly. “Richie, sweetheart, no. Didn’t I— I thought you realised that everything I’ve been saying is completely true. From the heart, I promise. I promise. I  _ love _ you. How can I get that through your head?”

Richie shrugged. “I dunno, Eds. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

“No, stop that,” Eddie cut him off. “I think— I mean, I don’t know if it’d help with whatever it is you’re feeling, but I won’t stop telling you and showing you that I do love you until you fully believe it. I… I want to be your boyfriend, Rich. I wanna take you out on dates and surprise you with presents and fucking shower you with affection. I don’t  _ want _ anyone else but you. I’ve always wanted you.”

Richie’s lip quivered. “I want you, too, Eddie.  _ So _ badly, I— fuck, I’ve been so in love with you since we were teenagers that I could barely even look at anyone else. I just never saw how you could possibly want me back.”

“Well, I do. I want you back. Probably for just as long, actually. Since we were teenagers.” Eddie trailed his fingers down Richie’s chest. “So get that through your head, Tozier. I  _ want _ you.”

Richie stared at him for a long moment before he could find it in himself to nod in response. “Okay,” he whispered. “So, boyfriends, you say?”

“Yeah, I say. And as for that date, I wanna take you back to the Vietnamese place. The food was so good and you really missed out.”

“I’m sorry for storming out like that. They must have thought I was being a complete dickhead.”

“Well, you sort of were, but you had every reason to be.” Eddie shook his head. “I’m gonna give Bill a piece of my mind tomorrow.”

“And can I get a piece of that ass? I’ve been dreamin’ about it since I learned about the things I could do with my dick.”

Eddie snorted, quickly trying to cover it up with a normal chuckle, which made Richie grin. “Sure, Trashmouth, whatever you want.”

“Oh, I get to call the shots this time?”

“Please,” Eddie scoffed. “As if I’d let you. As if you’d want me to.”

“Yeah,” Richie said, “You’re right. Confidence looks sexy on you, Spaghetti.”

“Damn right, I’m right. I’m always right, especially when it comes to you being really fucking gorgeous, especially when you come.”

“Jeez, Eds,” Richie snickered, “I thought I was supposed to be the Trashmouth here. You can’t take my title. Don’t make me tickle you.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would,” Richie said, and he did.

Richie didn’t think he would ever get over the sound of Eddie’s laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this then please leave me a comment! They are my lifeblood. And come chat to me on tumblr [@bowtiescarves](http://bowtiescarves.tumblr.com) <3


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